Failing. Reflecting. Listening.

Sharing a failure report is terrifying and liberating. Following it up with an insightful conversation allows new possibilities to emerge.

Source: The Presencing Institute

There’s lots of talk about the value of reflective practice, and I’m certainly a strong proponent. Doing it can be hard. I facilitated a couple of events this summer that were full of imperfections, and gave me a lot of pause when thinking about my craft. In short: I felt really stuck.

• Was I doing my work in the world?
• Could I be of service?
• Why were so many obstacles appearing?

It reminded me of my yoga teacher’s frequent saying that “the obstacles ARE the path.” After struggling to get unstuck on my own for a while, I made plans to debrief with a colleague who had reached out.

First, though, it was time to reflect on what I could learn from, and build on, based on these experiences. So I sat down to write.

Writing about failure to move beyond it

People have mixed opinions about the term “failure report”. I’m neutral about the term; however, I found some related framing useful: a forthright overview of the activity, its outcomes, my role, actions that worked, things I could have done differently, plus areas lacking clarity, or where I experienced frustration. Much of the report would be way too much inside baseball for this format, but here’s an excerpt to give you a sense:

What worked

• A group of great people came together, reflected on their work, and identified opportunities for their collective future
• Participants observed their collective growth in action; we felt the opportunities and challenges that come with scaling rapidly
• Organizers gained insights on substantive and organizational issues that they can work on in the future

Things I want to do differently

• Design process: Ensure I am resourced to participate actively in the design of meetings/engagement processes
• Team preparation: Ensure everyone guiding breakout sessions is well-briefed
• Ground rules: Pre-establish communication norms with participants, and have the organizers ready to address any major issues that arise
• Time management: Pre-determine an approach for addressing requests for flexibility when working with a tight agenda

I wrote the whole report in an hour over lunch, first drawing out my own reflections, and then integrating the thoughtful feedback from people who had shared it. Nothing about it was easy. I relived the tension from some of the more difficult moments. I wished some things could have gone differently. I whispered some silent gratitude for what I had learned, and for the tools to reflect afterward. And then my energy started flowing again.

I found catharsis everywhere. Here was a way to consider my own actions and next steps in a deeper way. Having the lessons on paper means I can look back and build on them. Talking about what I learned creates opportunities to learn even more.

I’ll admit it took a few extra minutes to press send, and share my reflections with the colleague who agreed to witness my learning. (We didn’t call it that at the time, but their support really stands out in retrospect.)

Listening deeply: The power of bearing witness.

My colleague arrived having read my notes, and took time to recap some of my primary concerns. He then asked further questions, so we both understood more about the event, my actions, plus my framing of concerns and areas to work on for next time. I felt heard.

As we talked, I also learned more about his experiences and framing, and his sense of possibility. Our conversation continued, and we saw new possibilities and options. The whole process reminded me of ULab: Leadership for the Emerging Future where course instructor, Otto Scharmer talks about four levels of listening (see graphic at the top of this post).

Generative listening resonates beautifully on an individual level, but also for organizations and broad communities. As Scharmer writes: “Leaders can’t observe clearly if they can’t see anything outside of their own organization or industry. In order to drive real change, leaders must escape that bubble, step into the future, and position themselves and their enterprises to realize that future’s full potential”. His comments reminded me of one of the many reasons I care so much about public and stakeholder engagement.

That same week, as part of the excellent Story the Future online summit, I heard a wonderful interview between Mary Alice Arthur and Kelvy Bird, focusing on Kelvy’s work with Generative Scribing. They discussed approaches to strengthen the quality of our listening, moving from simply mirroring back (in conversation, or with visuals) to connecting with a group’s collective energy and intuition. By activating the connection with people, we can listen in a way that integrates the present, while noticing the future. A tall order. Mary Alice also talked about the value of witnessing a dialogue as a powerful tool to help everyone listen better. It is hard to overstate the importance of being intentional with how we communicate given the high levels of questioning illiteracy, and listening illiteracy, at play in our world.

I don’t think I would have been ready for a generative conversation on my failures without having done the reflection first. I hope I can listen to and bear witness for others in a way that was as powerful as the coffee with my colleague was for me. What could happen if we collectively scaled up the intention with which we listened?